is it possible to forget?for some things, yesbut for some .they will be stuck to ur memory like superglue and nt come away.

i'm tired. it's 2.45am nw..holidays is so-so only. Having holidays is the same as not having any holidays. I still have lots of things to do. The only difference is that i do not have to wake up so early. I have to go back to school tomorrow but i am going to be a little late. At least cikgu zaibah will have time to rest a while before she starts teaching me. haha, i'm so considerate right? lol..

as i was telling wen, i wish that i have a bf hu can fight. I feel that those hu cnt fight are sissy. But they muz fight and win or else there is no point in fighting. However, i dun think that there are going to be many hu fit the citeria - can fight and win against a large group of pple. It reminds me of a camp that i went to. Auntie was asking the p6 pple if they feel that they stead have to be strong and protective and only a few said yes.am i one of those? I din ans cuz i wa s standing at the side, nt playing the game. I think i am starting to have higher and higher expectations. In the past, i used to think that having a guy who has no money and education is ok but nwi have changed my mind. Maybe it is the real world which is pulling my dreams apart. U cannot survive in the world without money but u cannot survive in the world without love either. So which will u choose? money or love?i noe that many families are being broken up are by money. Because the couple has no money, they quarrel abt a lot of things but all boils down to money. My family is one of them.

Is it wise to marry and have no money? will the love last? i wonder.u may feel that u love the guy, but as time passed, the feeling gradually fades until one day, u will think y u like the guy b4? when that happens and both of them are married with kids, that's where the problems start.Authors always portray sex as a tool of love. To love each other, u muz have sex. But then, wun doing it everyday bores pple? i noe i will get bored if i do the same thing everyday. can we ever return to our childhood days? when our world is not revolve around lies and disguise. When we are free to do whatever we want without any care for prioriety...

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 3:12 AM|

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y is it that guys must bottle up their feelings? They are weird. It is super obvious that he is angry but when i asked if he's ok, he juz pretend that he is fine. HELLO!! i'm nt blind. I can see when pple are angry and even tho the anger is nt directed at me, i feel very uncomfortable.

training was ok today. Kenji, jac and gerald went. oh ya, sylvia too. i din bring my guards. Most of them din bring too. End up bernice and yuen cheun sparring together. I think that yuen cheun is vey pitiful. He gt kicked twice at the groin area. Ouch!!

jeremy was saying that he is going to flunk his chinese. I hope nt. I think that he's so cute la. wish that he's my bro tho but i wonder if we will still be close if we live under the same roof. Maybe we will quarrel.

I've been reading lotsa of incest books lately. I really dunno y but since the time when i noe what incest means, i have been noticing it in books more often. That's very freaky. I juz read a library book where the girl that sex with her brother since ten yeas old and because of some reason, the brother has to move to the US and after that, he turned gay and later dies of AIDS.

will i be committing incest if i have a beautiful older brother? i really dunno but i might. That's a scary thought in itself. Seeing ur lover everyday but have to keep it hidden from pple. plus the fact that u cnt marry ur brother. haiz..should nt think abt it anymore. I should say that i'm blessed that i do nt have a gd looking brother...lol...i'm being mean again.

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 11:05 PM|

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am i transparent?

sometimes i really think that i am juz taking up space in this world. Is love so scarce that there is nt enough to pass around to everyone?

no matter wad i do is enough to please pple. I'm like wasting my time and effort.

i'm super in nd of some love rite nw. i juz have the impulse to hug him juz nw but i think that he will think that i'm weird. haha...it reminds me of othello's iago. "i think you think i love u"..

but nw i think i'm becoming emotionless again le..maybe that's cuz i'm so tired that i will fall aslp once i touch my pillow..

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 1:22 AM|

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i realise that i truly have no life. I cnt even go out after sch cuz of the numerous activities that i have and i have to skip some of the enjoyments more more practical things. As there are only a few more days to pay day and i can officially end my working days liao.

bball was nt bad today tho my leg haven recovered. I scored more than 5 shots today..yay...and my shooting is getting more accurate. I nearly spained my ankle again when i ran hme juz nw. luckily it din or i will really die.

tml is gp exam liao. I dun think i will pass cuz i have been slacking too much and my eng isn't that gd anyway. i have to go back to sch almost everyday for the sch hols but i think i will enjoy it.

jap lesson is fun today as usual. Y do they have a knack for making the lesson enjoyable while school's lesson is always so boring? maybe we are having too many lessons a day liao. Most of the gd sch ends earlier than us but they achieve better results than us. That's very weird.

tsubasa chronicles 17-finished.

33 goes to bugis but i have a feeling that it will take very long to reach hme.

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 12:04 AM|

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i'm juz damn irritated and damn pissed off la.

i dunno wad is happening to me too. I juz hate the sight of everyone nw..whenever i close my eyes, i will juz think of events that i dun wan to think abt.

There isn't any great lessons today anyway. I think i'm going to get expelled soon the way i keep on skipping lessons. I dun even have any motivation to study on anymore. Wad is the use of a cert? a piece of rubbish...

i'm turning mean too. Saying things abt pple and things when i wouldn't say it in the past. Is that gd or bad? Saying out my opinions of things which i wun say in the past.

i'm going to tell the auntie that i'm only working to the end of this month. i have tot abt it and i dun wish to work for her anymore. I cnt stand her. that's the truth of it.

twisted my ankle ytd nite while playing bball..but i managed to get in a few shots..that's gd rite? maybe when i quit the job, i will have more time to go and play bball...money is nt as important anymore. I want to have a stressless life...lol..

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 11:31 AM|

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i m going to strangle that stupid boss someday. I wish she can go and rot in hell. Anyhw accuse pple. damn irritating. i swear i'm going to quit once i find a better paid job.

haiz..at least sch is nt bad today..bball today is fun. teamed up with vincent and ming yi for the 1st game and saiful and yong xiang for the second game. During the second game, tho i scored a few goals, i was so tired tat i missed a lot of balls at the end..air ball somemore..den he said, "dui bu qi,dui ne me da li, ni lei lei si ma" in a concerned tone of voice. I'm shocked. a little gesture makes a very big difference.

i tot i lost my hp cuz i couldn't find it. luckily found it in my bag or else i will panic until siao...

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 9:51 PM|

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昔、昔、ニチョァス が好き。でも、今わ．．
it's weird that wearing a particular shirt can make u think of a certain incident which has happened so long ago. An incident that has been at the back of the mind. Nw, it has been pushed forward and nagging at me until i m super irritated.

I'm broke. Again.

Tml is a sch day. I wish that i dun nd to go 2 sch anymore. I juz dun have the feeling for sch anymore. If i can help it, i will wan to stay at home the whole day and then slp or go online.

i am nw typing without looking at the keyboard. I'm surprised at hw fast i can type tho i din really practise much. Nt bad la..but i have a tendancy to look at the keyboard. haiz...

funfair is over..

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 12:39 AM|

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today is nt bad. no malay lesson tho.
was able to help out for something. I'm glad. It seems like i'm pushing all my work to pple when i'm supposed to do them myself...haha..

bball was fun today. still wasn't able to shoot in the dark. my stupid glasses.

yuen chuen bball skills is better den i have expected. maybe cuz he always play in sch.

i felt bad but i dun feel bad nw. i have sort it out with myself. i'm nt going to try to hide behind others anymore. he is a thing of the past.

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 12:29 AM|

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work was ok today. Maybe i'm starting to like it there after all.

having muscle aches the whole day today.

we din do much at sch today. I think that going to sch these few days is a waste of time. They are nt teaching much anyway. They are busy preparing for rubbish things like i-day and carnival stuff.

arashi's new single album is out today!!!

pile of homewrk is nt exactly decreasing.

My new obession is basketball. LOL.

my printer is out of ink.

i juz realise hw funny my schmates are.

hmm, i'm really making one line entries nw..haha...

had chinese oral today. The passage was nt exactly very hard but it might pose problems to a few tat i noe. The conversation was funny. I keep on straying frm the topic. Seriously, muz must they ask abt freedom of speech in blogs? If pple wan to comment on their blog, let them be. It's nt exactly harmful to see from others point of view. Y be so unhappy if they criticise abt it? as long as u believe in wad u believe in, then why must u get angey abt this kind of trivial stuff. Those who reports these incidents have nth better to do. like the chinese say, chi bao mei shi zuo. People hu like to complain alot. If they cnt take critism, then they shouldn't bother to read other's blog. i hate this kind of pple.

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 12:08 AM|

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had a great time today. 4 hrs of bball..that's the ultimate w/o counting the bball game tat i played with gordon, yuen chuen and darren. I'm super tired nw but i will continue to work hard.

decided to talk abt happy stuff...no more sad stuff...

decided nt to go to henry's kor kor b'dae clebration - bbq..
i wana go for training.

i'm grateful to yuen chuen(circle) for helping me to pump the ball...lol..
i'm too lazy even to pump the ball...

today, training was fun but tiring..we learnt the whole pattern today. However, i'm afraid that i will 4get it by the end of the week. It is super long la..

i'm more and more in love with him everyday.
hehe..

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 11:32 PM|

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i'm happy today.
I'm going to work hard.
I wan kor kor to be happy with me.
i want to be more knowledgable abt everything, no matter gd or bad.
i dun wan to waste precious time.

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 1:18 AM|

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gt a swensens voucher..
mum persuading(more like forcing) us to go.

a little more of warmth frm **will die meh..
i'm pissed off.
What with the on and off thing?
I dun think i wana go anymore.

din go sch today. consider as pon ba..
i guess gerri might have guessed tho.

big eyes...haha...

more random tots which is nt random to me.
I apologise for nt making myself clear..hehe..

kare to kanojo.
everything has been stolen frm me.

i'm anticipating my malay lessons. I rather that vesak day is on a sat or sun than fri.
nt on thur either.

i killed a cockroach juz nw. I was so furious that it gt in my way so i chased it and stepped on it. The person behind me looked shocked. haha...i juz gave a shrug and walked off.
Nt feeling high these few days except for mon and wed.

mon, played bball!!haha..i noe i'm spastic..little things amuse little minds..
ming yi,charmaine, and 2 other guys were in one team while me, saiful(i think,anyway,it's tat malay guy i mentioned earlier) and 3 other guys..

later, some went off and we play 2-2. saiful wif me again and ming yi + another guy was our opponents. managed to score some points..nt bad nt bad..haha..but felt so embarassed when saiful commented that i seem to stick to ming yi. maybe i'm bias but i feel better sticking to him rather than some unknown guy which i dunno. Ming yi's face became so red tat i laughed out loud. He's lame la, apolgising everytime he bumped into me. Super annoying aso. In the end, told them tat they can juz play normally.

wed gt photography club. hugh was funny. cuz we said that he's a senior, he say tat he is the minister mentor. lol..then, i told him that he is a senior citizen liao...

he looked sleepy there.
i love the eyes.

ja..

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 10:56 PM|

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maybe i am nt tat a gd fren. it seems like i'm being very self-centred. Caring for my self interest instead of others.

The reality has caught up wif me. A materialistic world.

a few glances is more than enough.
a sleeping face,
Indicates that there are still loads of work to do.

We have been struggling so hard but for wad purposes?
him with his tennis.
mine with everything.

commitments suxz.

jap lessons today again. I dun mind going for jap lessons cuz it's fun but work, it really suxz like hell. I realise y geok wans to quit le. Doing all those stuff can make u become a retard.

gtg. work's waiting for me. commitments and work are the only things that stood in between.

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 12:10 PM|

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had a dream ytd. dreamt of me watching vcds with my friends and then they left me 1 by 1 to do smth else. In the end, I'm the only 1 left and then i started crying. The scene suddenly changed and then I was at a place where there were mountains of books and comics. I started to sit down and read and 1 person came into the room and told me that if I nv finish all the books and comics in the room, i am going to stay there until I finish. I gt such a shock taht I woke up.

thur, i played bball wif ming yi, leoric, yong xiang and that malay guy and 3 other gals.
teamed up wif yx , malay guy n 1 other girl. Was fun but my skills is nt as gd as b4...have to practise more.

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 3:29 PM|

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hmm..getting emo tis few days...

might be cuz i'm feeling too tired.

lots of readings to do but i haven gt around to do it yet

i ate alot ytd. korean food, doughnuts, and hakka traditional food. I think we spent more than 100 bucks ytd but it's nt my money..haha..

i have to do well for chinese..if nt, i'm dead.

studying is my favourite activity nw!!!

haha..zhi qi qi ren..

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 3:20 PM|

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Hotaru really reminds me of jac. Made me realised smth. Amongst xl, jac and kestrel, i m closest to jac. I wonder y. N i tink kestrel and xl are closer. At least on the surface.

I will smile no matter wat.
I will persevere on no matter wat.

I m nt a gd talker. Even an idiot can figure tat out.

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 12:05 AM|

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am I that bad to my fren? Y muz i be lumped together to be scolded?

I dun exactly care anymore. I have been so tired these few days. I haven been doing lotsa stuff..there are so many things waiting for me and when i spent my precious time to do smth, the effort that i put in gt rejected. Therefore, i will nt care if u complain that i did u nt treat u as a fren anymore.

I'm regreting that i wan a job. Tho i have money nw, all my free time have been eaten up. I hardly have the time to even sit down and enjoy a meal anymore. Freedom or money. Y muz it be these rwo? Nw, gerri is complaining that i cnt go to phtography course wif her anymore cuz of my work.

i have like 1hr more to my work time and this suxz. I have been falling aslp in class recently and that's bad. Hoping to finish all the vcds and animes...

finished dnangel today..finally..
started on kurosagi. Yamapi is so hot..

currently on:
stand up
honey and clover
ji xiang ren wu
gakuen alice
tokyo tower

i'm going to die!!!

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 3:33 PM|

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when u noe a person better, the likelihood that u see his weak points will increase. His weak points will magnify and his strong points, diminished.

wen told me tat she felt like she is intruding into my space when she talked to me sometimes. That i dun really nd a fren. I seriously din noe that i'm giving out tis kind of attitude to pple la.

Gt a msg frm jy today. I'm glad that he made it a point to msg me. yukatta. At least i noe that he still cares abt me.

I went to the chalet on sat. I realised that i'm really fickle-minded but i'm glad that i din go on fri. Although many pple din go on fri, i still had a gd time bully darren haha..

maybe i'm being more open myself. I talked abt some stuff tat i kept it to myself 4 a long time. It's a gd start isn't it? Juz like wen said, no1 will noe abt ur problems if u dun talk abt it but the problem is tat i couldn't bring myself to bring these problems up. I juz feel weird. N when i bring it up, i usually use a light tone which makes pple feel tat i'm joking wif them. Maybe that's y they dun take me seriously.

i used to think that i'm brought into tis world to suffer. The experiences i gt in pri sch are those that i wana 4get. Esp those tauntings that i get frm classmates. Getting distanced is the only way to make them disappear. Even so, they din exactly disappear.

i'm weird. Some days, i juz wish tat every1 will disappear frm tis earth while others, i wish tat there will be pple around me.

i'm happy enough nw..
gt my ans..

I'm willing to stay single if i really have a kor kor hu love me as a younger sis..haha..

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 12:08 AM|

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