Trust. It is hard to gain back trust after losing it.
Love. What kind of love is there?
Family. One who meet once in a year?

Random tot.
My family members pronounce my name as jie yi. jie in the 3rd sound. I always wonder y but den when i ask yongsheng kor kor, he say tat it is because the name is unique. haha. very funny.
He den ask me y do i call him yong sheng kor kor n ah qiang kor kor when i can call him yong sheng
n yong qiang. I told him tat it is a form of respect and because nt many pple can call him tat. n he told me tat it is the same reasoning. Y i still dun get it?

Read a book called a village affair. was super disturbed when i read it. lesbianism. Is a form of love. I dun exactly get it y is it tat they must prmote lesbianism. I noe tat it is a form of love. But to promote using a subtle method offended me more den when it is written in a direct way.

ytd was the last of my common test paper.
have to get the lit project outta the way now.

friendship circles. Do they overlap? I hope not. It is tiring if they overlap. I think tat most pple form fake friendship. They juz pretend to be friends and yet they always use them. After tat, they just walk away when u nd their help. I hope i am nt considered 1 of them. I have friends tat will stick thr me thick n thin and i hope tat it will stay tis way forever. In return, i hope tat i will nt disappoint them. That's the reason i went over to xl's hme ytd tho i was nt feeling very well. It has been a long time since i have seen them. Miss the times tat we were in the same sch..

enough rambling...oysumi..

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 11:10 PM|

- + - - - + -

playing pokemon nw..i'm such a loser..haha...

common test is over...finally..


ytd went to xiaoling's hme..practised our cooking...haha..tenoshikatta..
the end result was nt too bad. At least it was edible.
Played twister.Laughed the whole time. It was so funny la.
Was nearly late for my jap class. Stupid bus which kena banged juz b4 it reached clementi mrt station.
Fell aslp on the met. Was super lucky tat i woke up juz when the train pulled in at bugis or else i will die.
honda sensei 4gt abt the kanji testo again...haha..i tink she was sick cuz her voice sounded different.


slpt so much earlier ytd. My leg gt infected again. haha.Maybe cuz of the stress.(like real)

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 12:50 PM|

- + - - - + -

i'm gonna work hard..haha..gt inspired...

learnt tat farah aso want to major in jap studies..i'm glad. At least i'm nt the only 1..

currently on:
gakuen alice ep4
fma ep28
stand up ep2 part 3

Today is a super weird day... I wore a SKIRT! omg. tis is so damn embarassing la. wth.
I'm tired. Of everything. Y cnt pple juz be frank? I miss pri sch days.

common test is like 2 days away and I am spending my precious time to watch anime. I'm downright weird. But cnt be help sia. hehe.

I feel bad. Din get to go to kfc wif xiaoling they all. Have to pay it back 1 day. Miss them. Tho we quarrel at times but den I hope tat our friendship will last forever.

Bing liang is gettin emo tis few days. Maybe he wants to be alone with his tots. Hope he's alright.

Von is moaning over some guy.

Qi is ??

Wen is watching lotsa show..haha...i'm glad at least some1 is happy.

I'm mad. lol. oh ya. there was sparring ytd. It was so fun. ok, i was saying tat i din want to spar cuz of exams but i still did. I'm glad tat i will be sparring wif winnie or else i will get bruises everywhere. This is like the 5th time i gt injured liao.

hmm..rushing off to finish gakuen alice so i can start on honey and clover..;) guess my motivation tingy isn't gd enough..

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 2:05 AM|

- + - - - + -

yes! 2 of the photos that i took made it to the noticeboard. I'm glad. Lol. But den it can be considered an achievement liao cuz i onli started using a cam last yr.

I'm so nt going to think abt other stuff den studies rite nw...have to pull my grades up...i nd to go 4 the cip trip in june. Have to miss a jap lesson probably but den i think that i cnt make it up too. Nvm. I juz ask my fren to help me take down notes if i really get to go.

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 2:30 PM|

- + - - - + -

finally a day of no conferenceing. Felt weird but den it will be ok. Have to lose weight..i getting lazy. This is bad.

Hmm. I wun let myself fall into the trap. Maybe should cool myself down.

I hate mr chan. What is the matter with him? He din print out the new timetable and yet he scolded us when we asked him abt it.

I feel like going missing for a few days. Maybe I will compose myself by then.

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 12:55 AM|

- + - - - + -

went out wif xiao liang(sorry wen) n xiao hong ytd. They are so cute. went dg 1st den went to arcade t find xiao liang. he was wearing jeans and slippers.lol...den we continued playing 4 a while b4 going to yishun to find xiao hong. we went mac there and makan. Den after that we went to buy smth b4 going to the arcade there. Called wen down there was i noe tat i was unable to go club. I tot that they will let me go off but i tot wrongly. It was the 1st time that I spent like half a day at the arcade la. Den xiao liang gt into a fight wif some1. Blah. Luckily i was able to stop them. Scared me for a moment. Had to grab him and pull him back. The other guy was scolding vulgar words cuz he lost to us. What a loser.

Den had to go to xiao liang hme to eat. he practically kidnap me la. Told me that his mum had cooked my dinner. In the end, his mum had gone to buy kfc fo r me to eat. He said tat his hme was very messy but it was still ok la. Nt too messy. He shared a room wif his bro, bing zhi n his grandma. No wonder he told us tat he couldn't speak very loudly cuz of his grandma. He is super sweet la. Making sure that I play my share at the arcade aso. Practically force me to play the games. Bing zhi is so cute la, teaching me hw to play midnight club 2. Lol. In the end, we were banging the police car and all the lamp posts, pple and trees instead of racing.

Haha. noe his address liao. Nt too bad frm the mrt station. Quite easy to recognise. played on his com too.

i tink tat xiao liang actuali noes his way around the mrt lines. It's juz tat he din wan to be alone. When i met him, he was leading me to the correct mrt lines. Din wan to spoil his fun so i pretend that i tot tat he doesn't noe his way around.

He showed me that the mrt doors in the north east line can be opened manually. And it actually DID open. It was so scary la. Imagine that u take the mrt and u accidentally opened the door and fell. omg. But den there is a CCTV there. He told me that there was once when he opened the door for fun and the person went to scold him. lol. But to think back, it was nt tat funny. Wad if he fell off?

I'm like super praying tat he wun ask me go all the way to seragoon mrt station to fetch him and that he noes hw to go to outram park. It will save time as i dun nd go so early. I wana slp a bit more cuz i'm sure that i will be burning midnight oil for the rest of the yr very soon.
Fri nite
Went tkd. Sparred with yuan quan n winnie. Gt injured on the leg. Has a bruise on the shin of my whole right leg, a little 1 on my left n my stomach hurts. Freak. After that, had a conference wif von, biqi, xiao hong n xiao liang. Chatted abt the chalet thingy. Ok, n we noe wad happened after tat. He gt angry and then put down the phone abruptly. But at least he was okie the nxt day. Could tell that he is still upset but when i told him tat if he nv go, i'm aso nt going, he told me to go and enjoy myself. But it is so wad la. Hw am i supposed to enjoy myself when every1 is nt there? It is juz going to be damn bored and weird.

I dun have much to say to henry, dickson and the rest of them. Maybe we are of a different wavelength. They have their own personal stuff that I couldn't get head or tail of it and wad's the point of me going? N the tot that we r enjoying ourselves while xiao liang is brooding over the matter makes me feel like nt going anymore. Maybe the others have a reason to go, but for me, there's nt. I can still spend the time, which is like 3 days, catching up on my studies and slp n plus maybe go out wif xiao liang or my other frens instead of going there and do nth.

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 6:09 PM|

- + - - - + -

i tink is is my fault..shouldn't have told him tat auntie dun let him go. Din noe tat he will kick up such a fuss abt it. If i can, i rather accompany him den go to tat chalet. Tis is kowai. I felt tat auntie is being unfair to him la. Y cnt he go? He din do any wrong n he is aso a teen ma. Y must be so bias towards him? He will grow even more resentful if he dun get to go to places tat others can go.

I hope tat wen may be able to pacify him. I hate myself.I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself.
















































































































i din noe tat i have tears left. 4 the first time i cried since sec 2. Because of the pain tat i noe he felt. the pain juz cnt be described.He must be thinking of lots of stuff. And it wun be nice things too. Damn myself. Y cnt i give out comforting words? Y izzit that i felt that he is so near yet so far? Y izzit tat.....................?
























































kk..gtg


+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 1:14 AM|

- + - - - + -

ok...juz saw riah's entries. I nt going to comment alot abt tat. I'm nt going to join any class politics. If she insist on putting pple down, i aso dun care. I dun care tat our class is a1 or a2 cuz there is no difference.


i think tat bing liang is pitiful. Y doesn't auntie let him go to the chalet? Because she is afraid tat him making a scene there? I think tat he wun lor. He is such a sweet kid. Tho he might be hot-tempered at times, he isn't a bad kid overall. He juz adopt the bad-kid attitude only. Underneath, he actually very warm and caring. I think that any dumb pple can see that la.
Tho he told me tat he will miss me if i break my leg, when i went home, he****.

I miss lawrence. I miss leslie.I miss bin liang. I miss qing hong. I miss andy. I miss the kids.

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 12:54 AM|

- + - - - + -

saw wen's blog entries.

Rouse lotsa feelings.

A new perspective.

We have something in common.

I hate the people running the camp. It's not exactly because they have snatched our places away but because of their actions. I am also starting to hate uncle victor. Why must he always use every opportunity to convert people into christians. I thought that this project is to help the kids? He didn't even think of the kids la. Some of the helpers are so rough with them. They dun understand the kids. I felt sad when all the kids are staring blankly at those 'leaders'. I am glad that they didn't sing forever friends. I dun wan them to destroy the song. It can be seen that they dun even noe our usual songs and they always sing off-tune.

They are even going to form a new teens club. Fine, it's ok with us. I dun think tat alot of them are going to join anyway.But the fact that they wanted to pull us in digust me. What makes them think that any of us want to go. I know for a fact that none of us (Henry kor, Dickson, Irving, Yuan Zhi, Biqi,von, wen, yi xiang, jia wen n me) will go.

Club politics. They are the kids that have grown up wif us. I admit that I seldom see them but i still miss them. For example, I miss lawrence & leslie. I'm glad that I have a chance to take photos with them bcuz i have a feeling that I will nt see them anytime soon until the sports day(I think).

I find it funny that Bin Liang dun wana take pic wif wen. But i tink tat bin liang wanted to take pics wif her juz before she go off. Qing hong is even more funny. He's scared of ghosts. Hehe. Bin liang n qing hong are super cute la. Asking me to go wif them to take money frm their dorm. Grabbing me. I think that uncle victor felt left-out when they refuse to let him go wif us cuz he gave those kind of expression. I wun forget that.

It is those kind of little events that made me felt that it was a right choice that I have made. Sometimes I feel that i m nt wanted. Alone. Like a ship with no light to guide me alone. But i guess that I have reached the shore. A shelter for me to take place in. A place among the kids. How I wish that time can be rewind and that it can stay forever. Kids are truthful. I relearning to be truthful. I thought that by telling white lies, every1 will be happier but den in the end, it is me who is unhappy. If this goes on any longer, I think I will go mad. All the feelings that I feel. The injustice. The looks that people give me. The fact that some actions that u dun mean might actually hurt somebody. I hope that I will be that some1 too. Cuz i noe the feling of tat. So i m going to try to give full attention to people hu r talking to me.

What kind of Christians are they when they jeer at other people? kana sai.. They are not even fit to use the words. They can rot in hell for all I care.

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 3:41 PM|

- + - - - + -

tis is sad. We like being extras down there. I mean, they have more helpers den campers anyway so even if we din go down n help, it should be ok. But i'm glad tat i went. I can see lawrence, leslie, bing liang n qing hong n the other kids there. Haha. I gt bing liang,lawrence n andy's name tags. I hope tat i can still see them during the sports meet.

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 12:06 AM|

- + - - - + -

tis is so infuriating!! wad the...
i hate tat stupid camp leader...bao tou giak...we r playing a relatively quiet game of truth or dare den she gt so big-mouthed. She dun wana us play den say la...wth..still say i dun wana hear any loud noise frm u or else i go n tel..in the end she still tel wad..wad the n uncle ricky...(fuck him to hell) go n complain to auntie mc somemore...chicken macnugget...

but i love the way bin liang diao tat person...super cool...haha...tat part is mi si ren...too bad he's younger den me sia...

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 5:01 PM|

- + - - - + -

oh well...holidays here again..din really feel tat it is a holiday.but i'm glad tat i dun have to drag my ass up from bed so early in the morn.

andrea left us liao. It will be weird when sch reopens.

Lotsa homewrk to be done. Have to catch up alot on stuff which i have neglected.
My pattern suxz...which can be seen by thomas n qx..they were laughing at winnie and my feeble kicks...i tink i have contracted the thomas n mdm's phobia liao...get cold sweat whenever they are near the targets.
My jap. I haven touched all my last year's papers n i'm having an EXAM in APRIL!! I really dunno wad i m doing nw.
My malay. I tink Cikgu Zaibah is going to kill me too. I din finish my work..haha..
My econs. I think i'm 'deproving'.
My lit. I think lit is the only subject tat i have improved tis yr tho i still fail. 18/50. Wth...
Others i dun evn wish to mention.

Survival camp. I nt going in the end. That suxz. Jun han is looking cuter and cuter and he is the son of my mum's fren. Wow! i din even noe tat until ytd la. N he lives so near to me somemore. Blk 321. haha. N he has a sis who came to my house b4. I guess tat i was always either slping or watching shows in the morn. Tat's y i din notice. I think he came to my house b4 too. I juz havethe nagging feeling. But nvm...

i have to start working hard or else i wun even have that slight chance of getting into NUS.

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 2:18 PM|

- + - - - + -

wad the fuck! he doesn't have the right to ask us to get down from the tables when HE himself is sitting on one. I hate the voice of his. I hate his attitude. He can go n die for all I care. What kind of teacher is he? A stupid teacher who doesn't even noe his grammar.

Go TO HELL!!!

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 1:34 PM|

- + - - - + -