What does it mean to be a chinese? Am I getting further and further away from the chinese culture?

In the past, I can proudly say that I am a chinese. I can speak and write chinese fluently. But as time goes by, the number of people who speak chinese has decreased dramatically. I no longer hear chinese being spoken by the younger generation. It is the same case with my friends. Those friends whom I can still speak chinese to are my friends from primary school. In my current school, not many of them speak chinese. It is like a totally new world out there.

Even the feeling of the chinese festivals are so different. There is no more differentiation as it is a chinese or other races holidays but just a rest day in general. There isn't any mood of celebration unlike in china, you can feel that the mood is much more lighter as everyone shopped for the new year goodies and such.

The frantic pace of life have made us more irritated by obstacles. Can we spare a day to take care of the elderly like in the past? It is not exactly possible unless it is a free-lance job. Can the government blame the people for not being filial when no one is going to be at home to care for them? Is it that bad to send them to an old folk's home. Some people are bad examples; they dun go and look on them every week but some do. I dun get the idea of why going to an old folk home is such a big deal.but some old folk home are simply horrible. They take a long time to check on the old folk when the ring the bell.

So am I truly a chinese or just a potato eating chinese?

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 1:03 AM|

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i m bored, tired and everyelse. I m so damn tired everyday tat i fell aslp the moment i hit my pillow. Downloaded lotsa of stuff u cnt find in sg. What the hell. They should like export to sg too la. If nt, they shouldn't complain abt us d/l cuz we dun have the credit card to purchase frm overseas and online costs much more.

Tml is a sch day again. I can skip pe tml so cnt complain. But i tink i'm going to do some personal training so as nt to fall too behind others. Unless i can get an extension la. Hehe. But den I will still nd my stamina 4 tkd.

I am nt alone. I'm glad tat jun feels the same way. haha. But he is so damn funny. Reaction time aso very slow. gtg le.

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 9:14 PM|

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went to the doc ytd. Leg infection. I'm good. Lol. Tml i have to go 4 hist sem. Going to reach sch at 8.

felt disappointed today. I have slacked too much.Have to buck up abit or else i m going to flunk tis year horribly.

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 11:13 PM|

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is our school's starting time too early? I think so. N I dun trust mr Ivan Lim anymore. How can he lie? Our school is not the only 1 tat starts at 7.40 lor. Some schools start even later den us la. We should start like at 8 or 8.30 la. It is a better time to start as I find tat i'm more awake at tis time. Usually when I reach school, i dun even feel awake. I feel like I'm sleepwalking.

Reality is cruel. When muz she leave the sch?

mr tang is sick today. Mabbe tat accounts for the anger tat i felt in him ytd. He was in such a bad mood la, scolding so many pple. But it's weird tat he din scold me cuz i was half-aslp during his lesson ytd. I think tat ms yap is a nice person but den her teaching method doesn't work for me. She makes me feel like sleeping. I think mabbe she can go for the making pple go to slp course or smth.

mr lee is even worse. I think he has taken a dislike to me too. haha. I dun care. he is damn irritating. He likes to pick on me. I mean, there are so many pple hu haven finish their corrections and yet he juz scolded me. N the infuriating thing is tat i'm the only one hu gt the you dun noe hw to write an history essay when some others r worse den me la. wth.

i think my chinese is getting more and more lousy. that suxz. My bro can get an 80 for a paper tat i dun even noe the ans to half of the qns. It is super embarassing la. He score higher than me in every subject. ok, i only win him in jap and malay but tat is another story.

mood: wanting to rot at home for the rest of my life. (isn't that wad I want every single day?;))

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 12:07 AM|

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what does respect means to u. We r expected to write an essay on tat. It's dumb. I mean, can juz an essay changed anything? I dun tink so. N it is like none of my business and y muz i be dragged inside. I hate tis. HATE. Is a strong word. But it's true in the sense tat u can hate any1 in a matter of seconds. I want peace and what my class is doing doesn't help. I dunno wad others think abt me but den I dun exactly hate any1 in tis class. I am juz indifferent. Daffi was like asking me if i dislike him or smth but it is nt true. i juz dun have anytink to say to him and cannot think of smth to say to him to. But i do smile at him when I c him, do i not? Mabbe sometimes josh will get on my nerves when he goes too far but I cool down very quickly too. So is not exactly hate.

I m super pissed off too. Y do they get to go but nt me? M i so invisible tat no1 thinks of me b4 any1 else. I mean, my grade is one of the better 1 but i m nt chosen. At least I should be given a chance to say if I want to go anot.

Jac is right. We should meet up once in while so as nt to lose our friendship. It is getting harder and harder to meet up wif each other as we have more and more things to do.but i believe tat our friendship can last. I mean, we have been friends for more than 10 yrs, 11 to be exactly so i tink our friendship can stand the test of time. We have been thr so much, quarrel, cold wars but yet in the end, we r still friends.

my head hurts like hell. Guess it's due to the fact tat i din slpt well for the last few weeks or mabbe months.

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 10:47 PM|

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nt feeling too much better. my stomach still hurts frm time to time. skipped ytd meeting n today's audition too. Din even tried going 4 tkd training. Tat suxz. Mabbe i shouldn't have drank jasmine tea juz nw. It juz make it feel worse. Hate tis kinda feeling.

pple can be so bias. Can treat 1 person so well yet treat another so badly.

I should try nt to lose my temper so often. Sometimes when i m frustated, i tend to keep quiet. There was a time when i will juz take it out on others but den i realised tat it is unfair to others. But den the thing is tat those hu tried to talk to me will kena liao cuz i will juz explode.

i miss the kids. I should try going more often. Tho there are usually enough pple down there, i find tat the kids are so cute. haha. i won the game of chinese chess when i played wif andy. nearly lost but den it is still nt bad, considering tat i haven played the game 4 nearly 3 yrs le. I still haven lost my touch and 4 tat, i'm glad.

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 10:52 PM|

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half-truths. Half-lies. Is there any thing called perfect truth? total rubbish.

mabbe my wish came true. Mabbe nt. Din get to collect my cert today. I'm so sad. Have to get it tml den after sch since they r going to the national library too. Really dun feel like seeing them. Is dampening my mood. I dun noe y but juz seeing the makes me frustated. Mabbe it is the time of the month or wad but it is juz so irritating.

feeling giddy lately. Is either the loss of blood or i'm going to fall sick soon. I'm having a major headache. IS like going to explode very soon..those kind of feeling.

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 12:38 AM|

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i'm super pissed. Feel like choping him into pieces. Dun anyhw accuse pple la...wtFFFFFFFFFF!!!! anyway, i feel so useless at the library..mabbe it would have been better if i din go....ジョシュアがとても嫌い。看到他就想呕吐。自以为是，好像他很厉害似的。自己也不想想，花纹成绩有多么烂，却说自己华文很好，简直在放屁。秋燕也是非常的讨厌他，一点也不稀奇。我们还在讨论要如何把他砍成碎尸万端。非常欠打的家伙。

tml i'm going to get my cert le...muz go early...haha..

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 12:53 AM|

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in the end, i din go...is tat bad?

i mean, i have heard many of my friends' standard of guys tat they like but den is like i totally dun agree wif them. Maybe is cuz of my upbringing or smth...i mean, like wad nigel n joshua asked in class,"would u like a guy to protect you?" it's obvious tat guys should protect gals la, but den charmaine wun mind is the guy lose. I mean, wad kind of protecting is tat when the guy cnt even win a fight? Tat is total rubbish la. Is nt call protecting but trying to protect. They can say tat my standard is high but i noe of many guys hu can fight very well n yet skinny at the same time.

I aso dunno y they like a guy hu likes to cook. it's ok if they cook once in a while but like a live-in husband, it's ridiculous. I will super super despise any guy hu does tat.

anyway, went training todae. Did kicking. Hope tat nxt week will come soon. I might be going children club ti sat tho.

btw, juz put up some pple's blog url up..have been posponing since a long time ago...i have no idea y bernice strike out my name(dun even rem making her angry la) but i dun exactly care anymore. Living for oneself. Maybe it can be called as selfish but y muz i make myself be unhappy? no1 can be at peace wif every1 at 1 go. Tat is y we have so many personalities. to make them happy, i will be the 1 hu is unhappy at the end.

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 12:54 AM|

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it has been quite a long time since i blogged. School was hectic. The preparation for the history seminar is enough to make our whole team's head spin...lol..it was only today tat we noe that our idea is nt feasible n tat we have to change it. N the bad thing is tat we r having the audition tis sat. It's like so unfair. We were notified 2 weeks later than the other jcs and nw we have to rush the whole thing.

Sat
had history lesson in the morn. Nearly couldn't wake up on time. Was abit late but the latest was Mohd. Den after tat went to ask for a job. Actually, kestrel n jacq were supposed to go wif me but in the end, they all pang seh me. But used to it liao la. They always do tat 1. Is either tat or being late. Den was late when meeting wen they all but in the end, they were even later den me. Met up wif dickson, kel n xiang ling at pasir ris. They were abit pissed at us being late la.

Anyway, we den went to uncle hong keng's condo which is like opp downtown east. barbaqued there. It was sort of nitetime already so we quickly went to buy the additional stuff tat we need and den start to prepare all the food. Gen and ces were a great help. They did most of the thing while me and kel were like the supervisors...lol..tat's the name tat dickson gave us cuz we juz sat down there and do nth. Uncle was like questioning me abt my outfit n the fact tat i have a headpiece stuck to my head. It was weird tat none of them heard of arashi except for kel, wen and me. Den later after we finished eating our food, we went up to the condo. As we left the matches downstairs, we asked dickson n kel to go down n take but they told us tat they couldn't find it so the surprise was nt a surprise anymore. stayed there until around 11+ den we went off. In the end, we still miss the last train hme. Actualli if we ran abit faster, we could catch it but den...nvm..

so we took bus 21. Actually we intended to take it to kallang but den it is an hr trip so we gt down at bedok n took NR7. wen, gen ,ces and xuefen gt down halfway cuz wen n xuefen couldn't get hme late and they were going to get a scolding as it was. den left dickson, maryann, xiangling, sok leng, dickson n kel. kel was so sleepy tat we fell aslp on the bus. He was abit pissed cuz we were laughing at him for sleeping la. I guess he is one hu sleep when he feel like sleeping. still rem he slept after agreing to ton wif us la. In the end, end up every1 slept cuz there was nth to do. Still miss tat day...lol...cuz of some reason;)

anyway, we change to NR8 at orchard cuz every1 except 4 sokleng i going to get down at clementi. kel was going to ton at dickson's hme cuz he couldn't get hme.

Sun
supposed to meet charmaine and the rest at bugis. Ended up i was the one hu was late cuz they insisted on waiting 4 me tho i have eaten my lunch. Went to the market to eat n den to the library. Mr lee was sick so he couldn't come along. in the end, we wrapped up lots of stuff n me, mel and charmaine went to pple's park to buy the white cloth. 20m sia. luckily it's only $1.20 per metre or we r broke liao. Den went hme to eat dinner. After tat went to aunt's place to eat steamboat. I think i m gaining weight, what wif so much eating n nt exercising.lol....


+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 10:13 PM|

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was super pissed today. I hate pple hu order me to do things. Is a breach of freedom. Is it wrong to write on a piece of paper with cancellations on it? pls dun make remarks abt it if u dun noe wad i m going to do nxt. U r juz assuming wad i will do. What makes u think tat i m going to hand tat up? i'm like super giving face le la. Nearly exploded in anger.

the malay lesson was fun, the chinese lesson was fun. watch the idiom clips. Gt back my reults. It seriously suxz...e8. I think a kid can do better den tat. Most of my c/m r nt too happy abt their results too. I guessed i have wasted $$ on tis exam le.

i'm glad tat at least some pple have a long relationship. It's nt often seen. Seems like relationships will cool off after a while. I'm regretting...

Bro is cute today. haha. He slept very early cuz he was so tired. Love the way he look when he's being tortured by me.LOL...

tonning tonite...

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 12:55 AM|

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it's getting routine. Mabbe pple tink tat i'm weird, rushing hme immediately after sch but i dun wana stay out. I tink i'm developing some kind of weird mental disease but the fact is tat i dun wana step out frm my hme..If nt 4 sch, i wun even step out of the house to buy food.

looking 4 a job. My savings r being depleted. Haiz..have to save up more.

sch is still ok but i'm feeling more n more sleepy tis days. Always fall aslp during lessons. Have to thank my angel 4 giving me so much stuff.

starting to new the new pattern le. It's nt bad. A yr has passed n i still dun feel like giving up. Mabbe i will perserve enough to reach the black belt.haha...

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 12:38 AM|

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