today went tkd despite nt feeling very well...i'm glad i went...he's there! i mean senpai la..haha..n he helped me to tie the body protector..yay! LOL...i'm mad...

my stamina..argh...speed..argh..guess that's the result of sitting at the com the whole day watchin show...but today is a bit weird...i slpt at 1 ytd and woke up at 8 today to continue watchin bleach..den went back to sleep at 11...end up i woke up at 6.30...wad's wrong wif me sia...sleep so long...long time nv do tat le...

i still haven finish doin my hols assignment...i m gonna be so dead...argh...n i wana watch finish bleach tho it has quite a lot of episodes...

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 12:22 AM|

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watching bleach and naruto..haha..a few sleepless night..

went to give payment for my jap lessons yesterday. Thurs nite 7.20-9.30 pm. Actually wanted to choose the sat 2pm 1 but den i cnt go to children's club liao. big sacrifice. I m separated frm my friend. Argh.

gt the takki clip frm my friend le. the quatity is quite gd sia. So happy! so male de gan jue n his dancing is so gd...haha..shuai...arashi aso. aiba is so cute! it seems that he has a way with the animals. All the animals seem to bully him..LOL...
sho n jun are aso cute..i love the way jun acted in hana yori dango..he is so cute...peeing in the lift..haha...den nv wash hand somemore..

it's weird but den i'm sort of glad at the same time. childhood friends but we can still get along great. Tho we meet like once in a while but we have the unspoken agreement that we will nv intrude into each other's private life. for that i'm grateful..kk..gtg le..tata..

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 12:00 AM|

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What exactly is christmas?
Maybe I'm too greedy. 17 msgs but i m still nt satisfied. Jac came to my hme today. Tml going out again. 3 days in a row. R we pro or wad?

Takki is so kakkoii. My saliva is dripping out liao. Managed to find some info abt him. he's same age as yongsheng kor, means that he is older than me by 6 yrs. But he was very young when he went into johnny's junior.13yrs old!! OMG!!


watching naruto rite nw. I think i will watch until i drop dead. So many episodes. But den maybe rewatch some of arashi's clip or smth. Sho n aiba r so kawaii.hehe

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 2:55 AM|

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i'm stupid. Argh. Why do my eyes keep travelling to him?


Went tkd after missing 3 trainings. I noe i'm bad. It's juz that i dun have the heart to go. Feel so tired but whenever i go, i will nt feel tired le. It's weird. I love tkd but yet it is dangerous. I mean, when u spar. But den it is really very fun.

Eileen quitted tkd because sir doesn't allow them to have a stead frm the same club. Remainds me of auntie jim. Weird. She wanted to noe alot of tinks but den i juz asked her to guess. Thomas's her bro. They doesn't look the same except for the smile lor.

My world is divided into many parts. Nt, teens, tkd, home, jap,guzheng and MI. It's funny that i can show different sides of my personalitities but none of them is my true self. I dun even noe wad is my true self. A part of me juz wana be alone all of the time, without anyone disturbing. I love silence. It is one of the best thing in the world u might have. But through experience, i learnt that most of the pple cnt stay silent for long. They will think that u r nt ok if u do nt speak up. Weird. But i juz go along wif them. But in actual fact, talking on the phone for 5 mins can drai n my energy for the whole day.

My trip to malaysia is cancelled because of the weather forecast. Stupid la. I was intending to get some more bubble gum back. But nvm. Means i get to celebrate JL's birthday.

Christmas is coming but seriously, i dun feel anytink for it. It's juz like another day. Dunno y.

this is getting more and more irritating. I wana record a song but my family members is nt helping. Walking here and there and making so much noise. If i have the means, i will design and spend most of my time inside a soundproof room. I can now understand the pain and torture of someone who want to quietly practise but keep on getting interupted by these kind of pple who dun understand that we nd the peace and quiet to do smth. I wish they can all go n rot in hell.

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 11:25 PM|

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It's weird in a way that christians usually try to drag non-believers to their church. I am truly grateful that none of my classmates have tried to drag me yet. Maybe they are aware that many pple outside are doing so. For me, I can't see the reason for them to drag me to church. I totally doesn't believe that a god exist in or outside of this world. Especially Jesus Christ. I mean, he SAVED the world by dying on the cross? It's a bit hard to believe that. It's quite far-fetched.
If God forgives all our sins, then why do criminals have to die? I thought they are pardoned because God forgives them. Another thing, Exodus 35:2 states that those who work on Sabbath should be put to death. Den what abt those christians who work on sunday? Should they put themselves to death?
Y God will discriminate pple?Exodus 11.7 states that he will kill the Egyptian children so as to differentiate btw Egyptians and his believers. This is a case of bias when he sent Jesus down to "save" the pple from sinning. And in Exous 23:24, it states that christians are not supposed to allow others to worship a different God andthey must conquer them and destroy their religious property. In levitius 21:17, it states that handicapped pple cannot approach the altar of God. Isn't that discrimination? there are still many more flaws that I can see and in that case, y should i believe in it?
Btw, if incest is not allowed, den hw come there are so many humans? Since adam and eve are the first man and woman on earth, the children that they produce must have sex with each other to have more.
I hate pple who always say that Christianity is the best and try to turn them away frm their own religion. Rubbish. In sinagpore, we are allowed to practise our own religions and this kind of behaviour shouln't be tolerated. Isn't a no good enough? Why must it be that when I refuse to believe in Jesus and I have to lose ur friendship?
I hate this kind of blackmailing. I dun mind losing this kind of frens who doesn't respect my decisions and appreciate my frenship. If our friendship is so fragile, we might as well end it.

P.s For those who are offended by this post, I apolgised. All of the above are of my own opinions. They are not meant to insult any1 frm any religion and it is not my intention to create disharmony.

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 11:28 PM|

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i'm back from malaysia.The trip went well. Went to tanjong puteri golf resort instead. The food there are quite cheap. I saw the sultan! He was getting out from his car when we reached there...haha..den went to check in into the villa.It was awesome! A double-storey bunglow with 4 bedrooms. Shared 1 bedroom with jiawen. Cuz gt twin beds ma. Went bowling and all that stuff la. My bowling is nt bad, juz below jiawen's standard, considering that I have nt bowled for more den 3 yrs. Gt irritated sometimes. Rem why i chose to leave. Anyway, peiyu noe henry kor. I missed survival camp. Maybe i will go nxt yr. Hmm...signing off le.

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 8:26 PM|

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我要被人烦死了。
希望他早日死去。
早死早好。

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 12:04 AM|

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i'm really confused..i really dunno wad i m thinking abt...
saying this and wanting that, is it correct?
is it wrong to want_____?
is it wrong to stand up for wad i think is right?
is it wrong to hurt someone whose idea disagrees with me?
is it wrong to feel guilty?
is it wrong to pretend that i do not care abt wad pple do?
is it wrong to hit back after i have been hurt?
is it wrong to cry?
is it wrong to like someone?
is it wrong to tell a white lie?
is it wrong to break a promise that is forced on me?

y is it that everything that I do will be criticised by pple around me?

whether i slp early or late is none of his business, or any others for the matter.
whether i eat my meals regularly is aso none of other's business.
who cares if i wana do my own things.
It is my own decision and nt influenced by anybody.
I nv say the words b4 and nv will unless the right one comes along. no1 can force me to say it if i dun wan to. I have said again and again but he nv seems to listen. I am ending it nw n den.

He should have guessed it coming.
My spirit cnt and wun be tamed.
this is ridiculous.
I said that I like a macho man but nt tis kind. It is nt the attitude that I wan. It is totally spastic the way he interprets it. It is the kind that has the dao feeling but den will still have a conscience when it comes to woman. I am nt sayin that K kind of attitude but den a better version of it la.
he cnt even come close to it. and i hate liars.

after all this ramblings, i feel much better. The nxt few days will be spent at malaysia, which i doubt will have a com for me to use so i better make gd use of this time to type and type and type.

I still cnt get it out frm my head. The clothes. I know that I wun stay at my cousin's place alot liao but den to bring it back to my hme? haiz..

If i had a choice.....

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 2:33 AM|

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went to watch saw 2 today. The show is not bad. The scene started with a person having 1 min to dig out his eyeball for a key or else he will die because of the face mask that has a lot of spikes in it. Then detective mathews, the guy who put innocents into jail, found that his son was kidnapped by a person, sigsaw, who is a serial killer who likes to play game. The thing is that sigsaw wants to play a game with the detective and he must sit down and chat for the two hours. If he can do so, his son will be returned to him without being harmed. But the detective doesn't have the patience to wait and in the end, he was left shackled at an oldabandoned house to die.

The interesting part of this show is that the man has enough sense to pre-record the whole thing and then stuff the boy into a safe. After the end of the two hours, the safe auto open and the boy was unharmed. pro.

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 1:49 AM|

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"kor kor, wo xi huan ni"

"wo ye xi huan ni"


but the difference is there. Y so?
He means one thing yet I mean another tho we are saying almost the same phrase.
あなたがすきだよ。
It is simple yet complicated at the same time.

我喜欢他。我告诉他。但是，他还是不懂我的意识。
喜欢有错吗？

他是一个很酷的男生。长得很帅。可是，他永远永远都不能属于我的。

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 3:17 AM|

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Feel a bit guilty. I shouldn't be angry. I think I acted childish. Argh.

I am not the only one. I shouldn't feel happy over it but I can't seem to help it. It's bad of me to gload over one's sadness but then I have always thought that N has it better than me but then it was just an illusion. Guess that I have said before that I don't like being a loser,that I hate to lose among other things.

Ytd, I went to the city hunter's game. Got paired up with aunty JB. It was okay. She treated me well. Maybe I was too harsh the other time, tho i think that Aunty A...never mind..

N is even braver than I. I can only give subtle hints where else N took action.

Unfair? I think not.

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 7:50 PM|

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gt my results today..82%..nt bad..but still disappointing..
stupid bro is irritating me again..
met shinling today at mrt station..promises to pass me a date wif a vampire to me tml.

chatted. Y gt into trouble again. relationship. He is spastic. Y lie abt it? it's nt as if he's trying to snatch gf. haiz.


Yq: wad kind of guys u like?

me: y u asked?

Yq: cuz tat time u asked me a similar qn ma...

me: izzit?

Yq: ya..

me: a guy tat can protect me lor.stronger than me..

Yq: tat's all?

me: aiya..some1 juz like u n jay combined.

Yq: combined?

me: ya..skinny type la..den gt the dao feeling..

Yq: i dao meh?

me: ya..of cuz..fierce even..sometimes i dun even dare to talk to u cuz tot u will scold me..

Yq: wun la..i gt scold u b4 meh?

me: dun have..but gt c u scold others b4...

Yq: den?

me: scared u will scold me aso ma..

Yq: dun worry so much la..u stay at my hme so many times liao..i aso nv scold u..scared 4 wad..

me: haha..true...but den still abit scared scared..

Yq: haha..if u nv make me angry den i wun scold de..kk..gtg..chat wif ya nxt time..

me: k..

tat was hw is goes...wad do u tink of it?is weird but den i feel abit flustered when i'm talkin to him..tho we din do anytink indecent..k..

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 11:16 PM|

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omg,nxt yr there will be so many new pple showing my class. But the best thing is that shin ling they all will be a2, meaning that their class will most probably be nxt to mine and I dun nd to run around so much le. This is so cool!

Went to mustafa todae. It's not exactly very hard to get there sia. Take the train to farrer park, come out from exit A, follow the path,walk straight, cross the traffic light, turn right, walk stright until you c mustafa jewellery and turn left and there u reach. Haha.

Watch full house today. Comedy sia.

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 3:51 AM|

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i love my bro but hate him at the same time. Sometimes he is juz plain irritating...

I want him, but I avoid him at the same time.

What is the use of him liking me when I do not return the feeling?
What is the use when I can't get what I want?
What is the use?

1 month liao...but i still dunno wad to do abt it..whether we should continue or juz let it go..
is weird in a way..am i in love with the notion of being in love or izzit that i am in love...creating so many doubts tat i cannot differentiate from wad is reality.

Once bitten, twice shy..

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 11:10 PM|

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It's truly weird. Freaks me out. The moment I was thinking of him, he called. Too bad I couldn't go out with him. I got work. Money is more important to me. LOL. I am not even sure on what grounds we are standing. It seems like the more I do not want to think about him, the more he intrudes into my life. The machinery in my brain seems not to listen to my will and determination.

Yesterday, I watched kakashi and the mummy returns. Both shows are not bad though I thought that the mummy returns is not exactly those horror types of movies but there is enough action scenes to catch my attention.

Today is the last day of work. I hope that I can get my money soon. Haha. After today, I am going to stay in library forever. Hehe. The job just let me know that I am not using my brain at all. It is so monotonous.

If I had a choice, I would want to go on studying all my life. Just kidding. Of course I will like sleeping all my life away also. Sometimes, I really wonder what is life all about. Are we living because we have not yet finish the punishments of our sins? Or are we just made to suffer? Once and again, to suffer disappointments, to learn not to cry, to learn to take things in your stride, to learn self-defence, to learn that money is everything in this world. Sometimes, I even wonder if love can be bought by money. For those people who are money-minded, I guess they can programme themselves to love someone who is wealthy. Maybe it is not true love, but how many marriages are there in this world that involve true love? Most of the marriages end up have adulteries, or even divorces. So what is the use of pursuing true love?

Pursuing perfection...is there such a thing?

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 10:02 AM|

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It's weird the way I dreamt of D juz nw...it has been a long time since I contacted him...It was last wed when he suddenly called n asked mi if I wana go KTV wif him anot...weird la...den i was at escape there..hw to go? It is like so weird in a way la...He's nt in my tots in the day but den appear in my dream...but den the voice is nt his; is my cousin's 1..

Started workin liao..todae is the second last dae le...The work is ok and the pple there r quite nice..except for the mr lee...he is such a bastard la...damn irritating sia...the first time i saw him...tot he was a pervert..nw still retain the tot but aso some additional 1..he's a nag, know-it-all and den wana tell the whole world tat chinese culture is the best in the world...all the li yi n those kind of bullshit...all crap sia...i mean..is nt as if i m nt a chinese..tell mi 4 wad..den he still dare criticise tat I m too westernised in my thinking..is total crap lor...he should go back to those rural parts of china and stay there la...HELLO! this is singapore...

Anyway, I have to save up and nt spend all my $$ away le..or else nt enough to pay for my fees..hehe...but den hor..it's becoming more n more ex..cuz the level higher liao ma...

+ let me die; i'm sorry__]]*
i criedat 2:33 AM|

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